i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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