so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize