everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
