is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
