Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
