just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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