Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
