i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
