his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
