Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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