If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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