I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
