You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
