Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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