You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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