I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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