Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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