I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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