shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
