I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
