just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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