Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
