Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
