sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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