If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
