Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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