I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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