I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
