We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
