How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
two words: eviction party
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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