Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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