Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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