So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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