Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
