she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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