i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
