theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
