Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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