i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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