She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
