well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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