Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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