just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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