You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
