If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
