just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
