farters have to be the big spoon...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
