wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
