**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
