if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
