I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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