The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize