i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
