God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
