So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
