Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
