all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
