FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize