Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
