Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
