Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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