Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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