And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
