six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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