WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
