She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
