3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
