Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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