who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize