If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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