By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
porn star boner night. come get it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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