At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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