i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize