Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
