you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
