I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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