Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Randomize
