I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize