remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
