Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
